A Book and a Pot of Coffee- Four reasons why I think they are my best friends.

" What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book and a cup of coffee" -Anthony Trollope

Photo by Stella Rose on Unsplash

A good book and a pot of hot coffee is my best medicine whenever I am feeling low. They say books are good friends and there is hundred percent truth in that. Being an introvert myself, I have always found solace and peace with a good book to read and it keeps me company.

I forget all my worries and troubles when I am reading. For me getting lost in books is the most easiest thing to do if I want to cut all the noise around me.

 At home, I have my favorite corner and my table stacked with books that I am reading. I can live here for the whole day , oblivious  to my surroundings. Unfortunately I do not have the luxury to do that.

Choosing Books 

While at home last week, I started reading a book my neighbors daughter had left behind. After turning a few pages , I  was completely absorbed in the book. Before I realized, I had absent mindedly taken the book home, found my favorite corner and started reading. The book turned out to be  really interesting.  Under normal circumstance I would not have bothered to pick it up or buy it from a store just by reading its title and looking at the cover page. So sometimes the cover pages can be really deceptive.

I have never had any particular strategy for choosing what books I would like to read. But I do know the genre of books that I am generally interested in reading.  I often make a wish list of books I would like to read based on recommendations made on Goodreads or blogs that I follow. Goodreads is also considered as a goldmine for discovering new books. At Airports and book stalls I definitely browse the books that have been displayed as bestsellers. Since most of my reading is on Kindle these days, I also check the amazon recommended books and the amazon recommendation algorithm does not let you down.

I frequently visit the local bookshops and libraries. It is very difficult to choose a good book from the vast collection at some of my local bookshops. I am completely lost and struggle to control my wallet.

Books as Best Friends.

But what is it about books that makes it our best friend. Lets look at some of these reasons.
  • They don't question us and engage us in any kind of war of words. Infact they help us find answers to questions that would be bothering us
  • They make us forget our worries and trouble even if it is for the time that you spend with them.
  • They don't leave you alone, they are always there for you when you need them. I sometimes get up in the middle of the night and start reading . But they don't thing I am crazy.
  • They are non judgmental. They don't judge you and accept you for what you are. Where else in the world can you find someone who does not judge you.
In an environment which is so fast paced , dynamic and filled with noise , books are the only friends that can help lift your spirits, prepare you for the times to come, allow you to de-stress and support you to regain your confidence.

Author Jhumpa Lahiri has very rightly said,"That's the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet.

Those were my reasons why I love to read. What about you? Do share your love for reading and any interesting book recommendations.

Three prompts to help you let go of any regrets

"Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can't build on it - it's only good for wallowing in"     Katherine Mansfield   

Photo by tom coe on Unsplash
 It is said that holding on to regrets causes us to take more aggressive steps and risky actions in the future.

We can regret many things in life like the choices that we made, the career decisions that we made, some of the purchases that we did, but could have been avoided.

Can we do anything to change the past? certainly not. We can only make ourselves more miserable and submerge in the grief. Instead , forgive yourself and move on.

Forgiving yourself is not as easy as it sounds. It can be the most difficult thing to do.

I read this book from Neil Pasricha , You are Awesome. The author gives three prompts that can be used in the morning to help you let go of your regrets. It has been a big take away for me from this book.

Here is the two minute morning practice that Neil recommends. Every Morning grab an index card or a journal and write these three prompts,

  1. I will let go of.....
  2. I am grateful for......
  3. I will focus on.....
I tried this for the last one month. And believe it or not, it really helped me make my day more pleasant and positive. 

Studies have shown that when you welcome your day with a positive mindset, it results in higher productivity and higher creativity.

You feel so relieved and liberated when you write down and complete the three prompts. By following the above simple technique , I make my day more meaningful and stay in the moment.
How about you? 

Are you clear on your values? respect them

“Lasting change is a series of compromises. And compromise is all right, as long your values don’t change.” – Jane Goodall (1934 – ), English Anthropologist
As a coach, I often hear clients complaining about how things are not working for them and they get stressed. Many times in one’s career and in life we go through a feeling of disgust, frustration at something which is not in tune with our core values. It could be a bad boss or a toxic company culture.We then get into the blame game but we do not understand the real reason for this frustration.
Considering that we spend many hours at work, it becomes very important that the core values of the organization match with our personal core values. If it does not, then we will always be in a frustrated state of mind. You may do the job, but it would not be for the love of doing work, but the money that comes with it. The same is true if your values are in direct conflict with those of your boss. This causes stress and all the related symptoms that go with stress.

Conflict of values

" It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” – Roy Disney (1893 – 1971), Walt Disney’s Elder Brother and the Financier of his Effort
An example of how hard it is to have corporate values embraced is a personal one. In one of my jobs, I experienced the biggest conflict of values which left me completely stressed. The organization that I worked with had signed up for a major transformation program with one of its clients. This particular client had the most complex technology platforms for which my organization had no skills and therefore was struggling to meet the client’s expectations. The conflict of values came when I realized that my boss and his superiors have been making all false promises to the client. There was absolutely no honesty in their dealings neither with the client nor the internal teams. My values for honesty and transparent behavior felt completely violated.
I decided it was time for me to look for more meaningful work elsewhere.

Are you living your core values or are you fulfilling someone else’s values?

We are familiar with work-related stress. It is often referred to as a part and parcel of having a career. But if you think deeper and look at what is causing you the stress, it may be because of the disconnect between your core values and the values of the company that you are working for. If money is the greatest motivator for you, then probably you do not have a choice but to continue working under stress. You are then working towards fulfilling someone else’s values.
Marshall Goldsmith in his book ” Mojo” explains how some people do nothing to change the status quo. They prefer to remain miserable rather than be happy.
Having your personal values persistently ignored is not good for any individual.

Respect your values.

“Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who put them into action are priceless.” – Author unknown
Focus on your core values to be more effective in life and career.
Identify your passion and purpose in life. Ask yourself what is more important to you. Once you know what your passion is and what is your purpose in life, you will launch yourself on the path to success. Your values will provide you the required drive to work and be satisfied. It is very important that you respect your values and be true to your values. This may at times be difficult because your passion and dream may drive you to achieve something which is not always acceptable to everyone around you. But if you are true to your self, then this may not be a bigger hurdle to cross.
Shifting from apathy to being happy is completely in your control. It may look difficult at first, but there are several real inspiring stories which narrate how people have done it.
Hire a coach who can help you navigate the turbulence, challenge your thinking, provide you with different perspectives. Take control of your life and career and up your Mojo.
Marshall Goldsmith in his book ” Mojo” says the following
“It is your life. If your Mojo is suffering, no one can make the “you vs. it” decision for you. My only suggestion is that you become clear on your own values and make a thoughtful decision”
Are you clear on your own values? Ask yourself the following to identify your personal values
1. What is most important to you in your life?
2. What do you need in your life?
3. What motivates you in life?
Your insights may surprise you!

Override your emotions to respond

Photo by Amy Humphries on Unsplash
Most of you would have heard the cockroach story. If you haven’t , let me repeat it for you.
At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming and jumping out of fear. After few desperate attempts, she finally managed to push the cockroach away, but it landed on another lady in the group.Now, it was the turn of this another lady to break into a dance and continue the drama.
While this was going on, the waiter enters the scene and rushes forward to their rescue. The cockroach next falls upon the waiter. The waiter was composed . He observed the cockroach that sat on his shirt, grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant. 
 While the cockroach was responsible for creating panic, it was the inability of the ladies in the room to manage the panic that made them React. The waiter was more composed , and he therefore Responded.
 Isn’t this something which happens to most of us. An unpleasant news, unexpected behavior from a colleague/friend/children or anyone close to us ,sends us into a reactive mode.
 In the office, you are all set to make a terrific presentation and midway you lose your cool because people start pointing errors, ask difficult questions or don’t agree with your ideas. Such reactions many a time snowball into bigger issues that get out of control.
Reaction is the root cause for distress, unclear thinking ,  creating a toxic environment , but when you respond , it would be more rounded , controlled and confident you, responding to a situation. 
Responding to a situation , however, bad or good ,allows you  to think and be in control. It also increases the confidence of those that work with you.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.  In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”   -Victor Frankl

A Book and a Pot of Coffee- Four reasons why I think they are my best friends.

" What on earth could be more luxurious than a sofa, a book and a cup of coffee" -Anthony Trollope Photo by  Stella Rose  ...